sally@theyouafter.com
The You After
  • Hello You!
  • About the Author
  • The You After…Journals
    • The You After… We
    • The You After… Baby
  • Dog Walking Thoughts
  • Contact
Menu

The Girlfriends Guide to Divorced Girlfriends

May 28, 2018
It was our regular girlfriends’ night out for drinks and (after a few hard mornings we learned), must have absorbing carbohydrate rich appetizers. It would be the usual chatter, catch-up, laughs, full disclosure and never to speak of again talk.  But I knew that night I would probably share the news. My Oscar winning performance in “Yes, All Good” was coming to an end, because by the way friends, my marriage is falling apart.
 
During my marriage breakdown, it took me awhile to tell my various circles of friends of my new state of the nation (read: heightened denial and unyielding perseverance). Regardless of circumstances, along with the grief and anxiety you are dealing with in your own head, telling the world opens up the possibilities of external perceptions, judgments and of course, good old fashion ego bruises. As unfounded and unproductive those thoughts are, and they are just that so you know, they can misguide you. It is important to remember your friends are safe ground and part of your support crew.
 
It was time to fess up. As I told them my news that night, they were in shock and at a complete loss to try and help me. As I looked at their faces, I was sad that I caused them concern. This really was my battle but they cared, and I had to tell them something that would help me…
 
Well let’s see, you usually drop off casseroles or lasagna for those in mourning right? So maybe soup is what you drop off to those mourning a relationship? Yup, bring me soup. We had a few laughs over the thought and yes cream filled desserts, and layered anything with cheese, also made the cut in their emotional- healing phenomenon properties.
 
I knew they felt helpless not having gone through this, and not knowing the full impact to me and my children. As a friend, helpless is contradictory to your sworn duties of friendship. This is especially true during the bad times.
 
So why not help them, help you? (Everything I ever learned, I learned from Jerry Maguire).
 
Gentle guidance in this area to family and friends, is a gift for those who want to contribute to your journey, post marriage rebirth, new chapter…alright, first thing on the list is you can actually say the word divorce!
 
When you are ready to tell your friends about your relationship issues, why not give them a list of Do’s? An honest, maybe read between the sarcasm, list of things to do when they want to help you as you are coping through, whisper it now – divorce.
 
The Girlfriends Guide to Divorced Girlfriends:  #TGGTDG 
  1. Assume designated driver role for six months.
  2. Buy her drinks during above DD period.
  3. Never, I repeat never, look hotter than her in public.
  4. Do not complain about your husband wanting to “do it” again (see number six).
  5. Lose the pity face; she will bounce back. Any friend of yours will get through life lemons.
  6. Withhold your right to complain about your trivial, but relevant to you issues until appropriate.
  7. Listen without judgement for a three-to-six-month period.
  8. Slap her in the face appropriately, after the no-judgement, three-to-six-month period.
  9. Realize that sometimes when she says, “I’m fine” she is not. You need to get over there stat!
  10. Be patient and understanding; your friend is still in there finding her way back.
  11. Do not forget the marriage-mourning, egg drop soup.

So there you have it, a list for those wanting to help you through this trying time. It is guaranteed to provide you with the assistance you actually crave  – a much-needed smile, and a start to an honest conversation between friends.

In the end, life is a team sport.  Don’t be afraid to ask for help when you need it. You will be better off and on your way to accepting your new normal, that much faster. That means everybody, including your friends, will be that much better for it. We have to believe that Dionne Warwick sang the truth in her song about friends…what was it called?

As for me, after that conversation about my marriage breakdown with my girlfriends, you know darn well there was a jar of homemade soup on my porch the following day!

Because after all, “that’s what friends are for!” ;)

Have Your Say!

Related Posts

The True Power of Sport

June 2, 2019

A male college student, single-mom of two teens, and a Nigerian immigrant father of four, all get into a car… Nope, that is not a

Read Post »

Knowing Better. Well tell me, how do YOU know her?

May 1, 2019

I have been thinking a lot about the phrase “You should know better.”  I am trying to remember why it triggered something in me, something

Read Post »

Dance Mom Gone Wild – I said “STOP THE CLOCK” !

February 10, 2019

We hear the stories, we hear the comments, heck we see the headlines; parents who push competitive spirit beyond the limits of sportsmanship.  Competition never

Read Post »

2019 – The Year of Riches

December 30, 2018

NEW. That is the three-letter adjective that defines an introduction; something different, fresh, and undiscovered.  Man that is a lot of pressure for such a

Read Post »

Explore

> Home

> The You After… We

> About the Author

> The You After… Series

> Dog Walking Thoughts

> Contact

Latest Posts

The True Power of Sport

June 2, 2019
Read Post »

Knowing Better. Well tell me, how do YOU know her?

May 1, 2019
Read Post »

Dance Mom Gone Wild – I said “STOP THE CLOCK” !

February 10, 2019
Read Post »

Instagram

  • Halloween or not, Eddy has all the feels of a very rainy and dreary day. Until you realize that you will likely have a a surplus of leftover candy this year 👻🌧🍫😋 #happyhalloween #halloweendogs #rainyday #superdogdowntime #trickortreat #moretreatsforme #ruffday
  • I YAM also just a girl, standing in front of a boy...this takes “cutting out carbs” to a whole new level 😉  Sarcasm aside, all relationships should lead to matching cheesy quote t-shirts! Come on, YAM I right? Okay I’ll stop now. #procarbs #thisisreallove #divorce #divorcesupport #singlemom #breakup #iyam #divorcerecovery #carbsforlife #sarcasticmom #sarcasm  #funnymummy #readwritelaugh #theyouafter #lovemeasweetpotato #divorcediaries
  • A big thank you to Zeina ❤️ @trusteddivorce for this lovely post about my divorce journal. She is a Divorce Filing Expert & Mediator and we connected here. I am thrilled to have her comment on this tool and appreciate the shout out! While I created this book as a way to support other women going through this heck of a transition, people like Zeina dedicate their life to that, and bring the added comfort along the way.  Thank you again for sharing ❤️ 🤗 #divorce #divorcesupport #divorcedmom #womenhelpingwomen #womensupportingwomen #breakup #journaltherapy #theyouafter #mediation
  • This is us. That's Game 5 of the NBA Finals. Legally separated (finally) and with our kids trying to experience a piece of history together, as a "family", our family. Knowing how much I love watching the Raptors play with our girls he managed to get an extra ticket for me. I was shocked but he said he knows how much I do and wanted to show his appreciation to me as a mother. Our girls loved that moment with both of us. It's not always easy being co-parents, and resentment manages to creep in constantly within a marriage let alone outside. But being a parent is a bigger role. So with that in mind, I share this to all the "broken" families - If your kids have an engaged Father, at whatever level, be grateful and let your kids celebrate that very important relationship they need. You see the marriage is broken, but like that pic shows, the family, especially during lows and highs!, does not have to be. Happy Father's Day to EVERY Dad. #happyfathersday #divorcedparents #raptorsnation #parentfirst #divorce #singlemom #nbafinals #powerofsport #torontoraptorsfans #fansfirst #raptorsfamily #fathersday #notbrokenjustbent #kidsfirst #kidsthrive #newnormal
© 2019 The You After | All Rights Reserved
Site by Boundless
  • Hello You
  • About the Author
  • The You After…Journals
  • > The You After… We
  • > The You After… Baby
  • Dog Walking Thoughts
  • Contact